The McKinley Mental Files
by dualities
Summary: What exactly makes the New Directions tick? Now a prompt fic! Come inside and join the hilarity!
1. Finn

**A/N: Hey there! It's me dualities! So, this is chapter one of my brand-new series called 'McKinley Mental' If you've read my previous story 'The Patient' then this will make a lot more sense to you. If you haven't, THEN READ MY STORY! This is basically what I imagine the psychological files of the New Directions would look like. Everyone's here considering they're all bat-shit crazy. **

**Warnings: possible character-bashing **

**Name:** Finn Hudson

**Age:** 18

**Ht:** 6'7"

**Illness/Disorder:** PTSD, ADD

**Student Psychologist: **Wesley Montgomery

**Notes: **Easily distracted.Admitted along with step-brother after car crash in which mother and step-father both died. Crash left him paralyzed from the waist down with limited movement in left hip. PTSD has left him with a severe fear of moving vehicles, when inside he will have one of two reactions: He will freak out and break the thing nearest to him. Or, will shut down completely and scream a long, unbroken note at earsplitting frequencies. Only way to calm down is to bring in Emma Pillsbury, the hospital admin.

**Likes: **Football, singing (bass), basketball, videogames, food, brother, Rachel Berry

**Dislikes: **Lettuce, being lied to, cars, boats, planes, trains, cats, being yelled at, Sandy Ryerson, slushies, Sue Sylvester, fights, being left out, etc.

**A/N: So that was Finn. So it's not exactly a story, more like a collection of my opinions of the cast. Character suggestions appreciated! Next: Rachel.**


	2. Rachel

**A/N: Hey, chapter 2 is now up! Should I start writing drabbles or one-shots at the end of a profile? Leave a review and I might acquiesce to your request! (That means I might do it!) Okay in this chapter we introduce Rachel! Tell me if I hit the nail on the head with this one!**

**Name: **Rachel Berry

**Age: **18

**Ht:** 5'3"

**Illness/Disorder: **Severe Narcissistic Personality Disorder, mild Schizophrenia

**Student Psychologist: **David Thompson

**Notes: ** Cannot go more than an hour without waxing poetic about self-achievements. Most of which are imaginary. Most recent hallucination manifested itself as a man that goes by the name of "Jesse St. James", seems to think that she is destined for Broadway is talented singer but only sings unless there is applause. Apparent rivals with a self-dubbed popular clique called the "Cheerios" led by Sue Sylvester. Stares for hours at a time at herself in mirror.

**Likes: **Herself, Finn Hudson, Broadway, musicals, music, vegan food, talking about herself, looking at herself, singing (soprano), mirrors, and solos.

**Dislikes: **Quinn Fabray, meat, being overshadowed, being cut off, occasionally Kurt Hummel, duets, being in the background, Sunshine Corazon, etc.


	3. Kurt

**A/N: In this exciting update I bring you the star of my last story: KURT! If you've read my last story (If you haven't then I suggest you do and leave reviews please!: D) and wanted more cute fluffy-times then you will be pleased. There is a fluffy little drabble after Kurt's profile. REVIEWS MAKE ME LIVE!**

**Name: **Kurt Hummel

**Age: **17

**Ht: **5'10"

**Illness/ Disorder: **Severe depression, PTSD

**Student Psychologist: **Blaine Anderson

**Notes: **Admitted along with step-brotherafter father and step-mother were killed in brutal car crash which left him with a long scar stretching from left shoulder to right hip. Was bullied harshly for being out and proud, left with numerous scars and oddly-colored patches of skin dyed blue, red and purple. Since introduction to Blaine, he has shown magnificent improvement and now speaks to almost everyone whereas before he spoke to no one or in short, one-syllable words.

**Likes:** Blaine Anderson, fashion, singing (countertenor), cooking, musicals, dancing, YouTube, Mercedes Jones, Blaine.

**Dislikes: **Football, sports, Sebastian Smythe, slushies.

**Trust Me**

When Blaine walked into Kurt's room, he was singing. This wasn't an unusual occurrence, the song he was singing however, was:

_I wanna see your peacock-cock_

_Your peacock-cock_

_Your peacock-cock_

_I wanna see your peacock-cock!_

"Something you'd like to see Blaine?" his boyfriend, Kurt, said walking up behind him and wrapping Blaine in his arms.

"Definitely. Though that's not why I came here though" Blaine replied bouncing up and down like a five-year old. Kurt made a 'go on' motion with his hands. "I want to try some trust excercises!" Kurt cocked an eyebrow and looked skeptical. "No Baby I swear it'll be fine just trust me."

"Alright" Kurt sighed "What do you want me to do?" Blaine grinned evilly and motioned for Kurt to stand in front of him.

"On the count of three, I want you to fall back and I'll catch you" Kurt nodded "Okay, one, two, three" Kurt fell backwards. Onto the floor.

"Blaine, what the hell?" Kurt said right before Blaine pounced on him and started tickling him. "B-Blaine! S-Stop tickling m-me!" Kurt gasped between giggles.

"Say you trust me." Blaine demanded

"I-I trust you" Kurt gasped

Blaine sat up, still straddling Kurt's hips. He bit his lip and looked nervous, eyes shifting back and forth before finally settling on Kurt's wide, glasz eyes. "Tell me you love me." He whispered

"I love you" Kurt whispered. He pulled Blaine back on top of him and kissed him, expressing the love that he could barely put into words. "Mmf, I love you so much." Kurt said between kisses

"I love you too"

**A/N: Awwwwwwwwww! Fluffy right? Next up : Quinn. Review, send drabble ideas, character ideas, anything! Cheerio-Kat **


	4. Quinn

**A/N: Hey all of you who read this little ficlet and all my other stories. I bring you a new albeit late update to The McKinley Mental Files. I got caught up in my other WIP 'Here Boy?' Yep two WIP's if anyone reading this reads my other story, I promise I will update ASAP. I just need more people to vote on the poll I have up on my profile. Even if you don't read my other story PLEASE VOTE ON MY POLL!**

**Name: **Quinn Fabray

**Age: **18

**Ht: **5'9"

**Illness/ Disorder: **Pathological Liar (currently in coma)

**Student Psychologist: **Nick Duval

**Notes: **Had baby at sixteen, gave up to Shelby Corcoran. Lied to then boyfriend Finn Hudson about parentage, told him that it was his but was actually Noah "Puck" Puckerman. Currently in coma due to car crash caused while en route to Berry/Hudson wedding received several broken limbs as well as a concussion.

**Likes: **Cheerleading, academics, meddling in the affairs of others, singing (alto), spying, deceiving others, etc.

**Dislikes: **Rachel Berry, telling the truth, talking about problems both mental and emotional, dogs, hamsters, etc.

**A/ N: Meh. Still no response on whether or not I should start adding drabbles after profiles. If you'd like one, leave me a review or PM me with a request on the profiles I've already written. REVIEW AND VOTE ON MY POLL!**


	5. Brittany

**A/N: Heyo! It's me! I'm sorry that I haven't updated in a while! *holds up white flag* To make it up to my extremely small audience, I bring you TWO, count 'em TWO chapters! Love you all, my very, very small audience. Read, eat, send me prompts (*cough* my birthday's next week *cough*) enjoy! –Kat**

**Name:** Brittany S. Pierce

**Age: **18

**Ht: **5'9"

**Illness/Disorder: **Unknown/Dyslexia

**Student Psychologist: **Trent Nixon

**Notes: **Main illness unknown. Displays what is either Dyslexia or is incapable of reading, displays symptoms of multiple disorders and illnesses. Part of popular clique known as "The Cheerios" along with Santana Lopez and occasionally Mercedes Jones and Kurt Hummel which is led by Sue Sylvester. Constantly talks to cat which she has dubbed 'Lord Tubbington' who apparently talks back. Calls gay men 'dolphins'.

**Likes: **Santana Lopez, Artie Abrams, Lord Tubbington, dancing, singing (alto), dolphins

**Dislikes: **Carrots, the alphabet, cannons, dogs, shoe laces, tying shoes.

**A/N: XD, heehee. Review?**


	6. Santana

**Name: **Santana Lopez

**Age: **18

**Ht: **5'8"

**Illness/Disorder: **Anger Issues, Sociopath

**Student Psychologist: **Sebastian Smythe

**Notes: **Do not discuss family **OR **Rachel Berry with!  Will throw nearest object and/or start cursing in Spanish. Part of clique known as "The Cheerios" along with Brittany S. Pierce. Still coming to terms with sexuality. DO NOT PROVOKE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES! YOU HEAR ME SEBASTIAN? I'M TALKING TO YOU!-Hugs and Cuddles, Wes

**Likes: **Brittany S. Pierce, cheerleading, singing (alto), glee club

**Dislikes: **Everything else, and Rachel Berry…especially Rachel Berry.

**A/N: Haha! In my head Wes is the one writing all of these profiles, so I can be as manic as I want! Review or I shall send Wes with a gavel to your homes! *shudders* trust me, you don't want that. XD-Kat**


	7. Mike

**A/N: I'm not dead! As an apology for the long wait I bring another two chapters, Mike and Tina. (I'm having a bit of trouble with writing Puck and Sam) Anyhoo, I'm opening this up to be a prompt fic. So shoot me a prompt or request sometime. Is anyone out there?**

**Name: **Mike Chang

**Age: **18

**Ht: **5'11"

**Illness/Disorder: **Autism

**Student Psychologist: **Thad Harwood

**Notes: **Is a freakin genius. Can dance like nobody's business. Is completely and totally _abbulous. _Has soft spot for kittens and rice milk, boyfriend to Tina Cohen-Chang (no relation)

**Likes:** Tina Cohen-Chang, Kurt Hummel, Blaine Anderson, kittens, rice milk, singing(bass) the colour blue, Ke$ha , math, science, family, , most importantly…. here it comes, dancing!

**Dislikes: **Asian F's, Santana Lopez, bad dancing


	8. Tina

**Name: **Tina Cohen-Chang

**Age: **17

**Ht: **5'3"

**Illness/Disorder: **Autism, Stutter

**Student Psychologist: **Jeff Sterling

**Notes: **Completely adorable. No Jeff seriously, this girl looks like a friggin bunny rabbit. I just want to hug her sometimes,-Hugs and Cuddles, Wes. A good listener, great with other patients that need calming down (bring in to see Santana Lopez at least once a week) BFF's with Kurt Hummel and Mercedes Jones.

**Likes: **Mike Chang (no relation), Kurt Hummel, Mercedes Jones, the colour blue, quiet places, tap dancing, piano, singing (soprano)

**Dislikes: **Loud noises, fighting etc.

**A/N: So, not my funniest but it's getting kinda hard to write these guys after you get through the ones featured on the show. R&R PEOPLE! Shoot me a prompt or suggestion anytime!- Kat**


	9. Sam

**A/N: Howdy Y'all! I'm gonna try to update this fic earlier from now on. (Its mid-term week and I need an escape) Again, I ask that the small audience that reads this review or PM me with prompts for the inhabitants of the Glee mental hospital to be in! Reviews are love and I need love!**

**Name:** Sam Evans

**Age: 18**

**Ht: 6'1"**

**Illness/Disorder: **Dyslexia, OLMS (Overly Large Mouth Syndrome)

**Student Psychologist: **Rory Flanagan

**Notes: **Often called "Trouty Mouth" on account of OLMS and due to the fact that fellow inmate, Santana Lopez, wrote a song about the extremely large features. Has an extremely large amount of sexual tension with S.P., Rory Flanagan (lookin' at you Irish!) will work out obsessively to almost 'Manorexic' proportions.

**Likes: **Chapstick, lots of Chapstick, working out, eating a strict diet, guitar, country music, singing (baritone)

**Dislikes: **Being called "Trouty Mouth", flab

**A/N: Don't kill me, I ship Sory!**


	10. Puck

**Name: **Noah Puckerman aka Puck

**Age: **18

**Ht: **6'3"

**Illness/Disorder: **Abandonment Issues

**Student Psychologist:** Thad Harwood

**Notes: **Fathered child at 16 with his best friend, Finn Hudson, then girlfriend Quinn Fabray. Self named, quote on quote "stud". Reformed bully; has developed deep bond with former target, Kurt Hummel. Has Juvie record.

**Likes: **Sex, girls, grandmother, boot-legging, guitar, singing (tenor) and banging anything that stands still long enough.

**Dislikes: **"The Man", Hitler, celibacy, sobriety, going back on promises, being abandoned emotionally and physically.

**A/N: Send me a Prompt! And Review!**


	11. Mercedes

**A/N: Hiya everyone! It's me, dualities! It's been like a month since I last updated this story but I'm back now! To be honest it's getting kinda hard to write these profiles. No prompts though. This makes me sad. C'mon can't SOMEONE send me a prompt? Please? *puppy eyes* send me a prompt I'm begging you guys!**

**Name:** Mercedes Jones

**Age: **18

**Ht:** 5'6"

**Illness/Disorder: **Diva Syndrome

**Student Psychologist: **Wade/Unique

**Notes: **Pioneered "Diva Syndrome" which is defined as: when a person with measureable talent is fed up with those that are at or below the aforementioned divas talent level getting more attention or being more diva-ish than the diva being described. Signs include: buying useless things, making Lauren Zizes your manager, wanting to dry your hands on puppies, and an indescribable need for musical solos. (See, this is why The Warblers have a council- Wes)

**Likes:** Being a diva, getting solos, Kurt Hummel, tater tots! Sam? Shane? (She honestly can't decide) green m&ms, singing (freaking powerhouse), copious amounts of accessories.

**Dislikes: **being denied tots (the woman likes tots, ok?), being denied solos, Rachel Berry's constant whining, Sue Sylvester, being ignored, etc.

**A/N: I decided to make Wade the psychologist 'cuz c'mon that guy is the perfect combo of fabulous and freaking awesome! Again guys review and send me a prompt!**


	12. Artie

**Name: **Artie Abrams

**Age: **17

**Ht: **5'11" (When fully stretched out)

**Illness/Disorder: **The dude is in a wheelchair. Need I say what his problem is?

**Student Psychologist: **Flint Wilson

**Notes: **When stressed, Artie will ram his wheelchair into the nearest wall repeatedly, one of the best white rappers ever. Once had a dream where in which he could walk and sang 'Safety Dance'. Dated Brittany S. Pierce while she dated Santana Lopez at the same time; got Brittany to believe that a random comb he found on the floor was magic. (Major props my man- Hugs and Cuddles, Wes)

**Likes: **Jay-Z, rapping, fingerless gloves, light-up wheels on his wheelchair, Brittany, the sex tape of Santana and Brittany that Brittany spliced with shots of her cat doing house chores and published online, singing (baritone), guitar, dream-dancing, The Justin Beiber Experience, Tina, pranks, Halo, video games.

**Dislikes: **Santana, Mike Chang's abs, the fact that he is in a wheelchair, hot sauce, slushies, etc

**A/N: I'm not dead! It's the last month of school for me and I barely have any time to write anymore. ): I will update a little more often once the school year is over. Review and send me drabble prompts please!**


	13. Rory

**A/N: Hey, guys. It's me. So if any of you read my other stuff, lemme just say, I'm working on it. I just got huge writers block. IT's the final week of school for California, so I got exams and other shit to study for to make sure that I don't fail and have to repeat my freshman year of high school (that would royally suck). So, without further adieu, I present to you, RORY FLANAGAN!**

**Name: **Rory Flanagan

**Age: **16

**Height: **5'7"

**Illness/Disorder: **Leprechaun Syndrome

**Student Psychologist: **Luke Wright

**Notes: **He. Thinks. That. He. Is. A. Leprechaun. This is the child of Klaine! He will do anything that is asked of him. The first person that told him that he was a leprechaun was Brittany S. Pierce who demanded that he give her three wishes in order to get her "pot of gold" (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) in an effort to blend in, he deluded himself into believing her. Doesn't have much of a grasp of American culture (the poor dear) other than the fact that Victoria's Secret catalogues are awesome *fist bump* It is unclear as to which team he bats for considering that he has had a crush on: Brittany S. Pierce, Sugar Motta, possible ones on Finn Hudson (whom he calls by his full name), and his most recent one: Sam Evans (still working on how to get those two together). (Any ideas on how to do that, David?) (Not in the slightest, Wesley) (Stop calling me Wesley!) (Stop writing out conversations on the patient files!) ( Never! XD!)

**Likes: **Granting wishes, lucky charms cereal, Finn Hudson, Sam Evans, Sugar Motta, Brittany S. Pierce, people, Ireland, the colour green, NASCAR, Victoria's Secret, singing (baritone).

**Dislikes: **Santana Lopez, slushies, being slammed into lockers, being disconnected from his mother on the phone, dodge ball.

**A/N: So, what'd you guys think? Want more Wes/David/other Warbler conversations? Any characters you'd like to see? Any Drabble requests? Oh, I'm making Sugar's file a free-for-all with suggestions. Review with various things that I should write her with, please!**


	14. Sugar

**A/N: Hullo! It's been a super long time since I updated. Sooooooo, here is another chapter. The piece de resistance, SUGAR FREAKIN" MOTTA!**

**Name: **Sugar Motta

**Age: **16

**Ht: **5'2" (without heels) 5'5" (with heels)

**Illness/Disorder: **Self- diagnosed Aspersers (is that how you spell it?) Syndrome (quite accurate really, couldn't have put it better myself) we're not sure if that's actually true or she's just annoying.

**Student Psychologist: **No one is brave enough.

**Notes: **Really fucking annoying. Can't sing AT ALL! Wears nothing but animal fur and feathers, has a very large nose and likes beef jerky a lot. All in all, she looks like a very large vulture in alligator skin heels.

**Likes: **Leopard fur, pink fur, Blaine's hair (she wants to cut it off and make a pair of mittens with it) Cruella DeVile (gee I wonder why), the colour pink, beef jerky, Artie, money, turning restaurants into Valentine's Day themed clubs (I went to one of those. It was awesome) (Shut up, David), her father, Kurt in leather (who could hate that?) (Get out of my files, Blaine!), the Troubletones, Rory, bulls, sequins, sparkles, headbands.

**Dislikes: **Oranges, limes, skittles, plain clothing, being told that she can't sing etc.**  
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**A/N: Um…review? Any specific characters you guys wanna see? Drabble requests? randomness? I'm kinda bored right now.**


	15. Chapter 15

Hello, my dear readers. I have been kind of AWOL on my fanfiction account and I would just like you all to know that I have recently acquired an AO3 account and will be re-writing all of my stories and uploading them up there instead under the name 'idonotunderstandthisreferenc e'. Hopefully I will have them re-written and uploaded in the upcoming months. If you have any questions or comments, message me on my tumblr at givemegabeorgivemecas.

Happy Holidays!-Kat


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